HECTIC

Havent touched this for a awhile..

because have been busy and havent really thinked about my blog anymore..

so much to be said..

dont know where to start

Back?

Might be back sooner than expected..in 1 months time?..hmm..

i dunu what's with Step Up 2..but its giving me goosebumps everytime i watch it..chills..lol

i am STRONG because i have been WEAK
i am BEAUTIFUL because i know my FLAWS
i am a LOVER because i am a FIGHTER
i am FEARLESS because i have been AFRAID
i am WISE because i have been FOOLISH
and
i can LAUGH because i have known SADNESS

*copied*

Cina dillema

lol..
suddenly i have this feeling..
i want to go home..
but i do not know where is my home..

im a malaysian..chinese..and currently in NZ..
what is my identity?..
what is my background?..

i dont speak a shit of decent mandrin..
i have this urge to go to china..taiwan..and hongkong..
hongkong should be ok..
taiwan and china..i might get shot there for all i know..
i have this feeling that i belong there..
i do not know why..
just out of all a sudden..
malaysian chinese are just so confused..

i look at japanese..koreans..thais..they talk their own national language..
if i talk in malay amongst chinese..that would just feel wierd for me..why is this?..
arent we malaysians?..
even indon chinese talk in indon..=.=

i am here with you

i might not be able to see you..
but i know you are there..
just wishing to hold you..
to feel the warmth of your love..
ever so soft and sweet..
pure and true..
to know that you are mine..
and i am for you..

minutes past..
followed by hours and days..
months go by and years soon follow..
but i always still miss you..
today and tomorrow..
it will always be the same between me and you..

when i close my eyes..
i imagine..
how would it be like to have you by my side..
would it be like a sunny day..
or would it be a cool autumns breeze..
just to feel you by my side..
its just estacy..
knowing that someone is there..
when all fails..
there is someone to support you..

this road is never easy..
you are not too..
this is not as well..
but i am in it..
and so are you..
how far this road goes..
i surely do not know and so do you..
but i know..
there is a road..
for me and you..
and there is..
a..
'me and you'..

i may not be smart..
but i work hard to..
i may not be kind..
but i am to you..
i may not be rich..
but i will you all i can..
i may not be romantic..
but i try to..
i might not be a good lover..
but i hope to..
i try so hard..
hoping not to fail you..
to be with you..

i may not be there..
only because..
cause i am here with you..

=)

Bought her a big tub of ice cream..

New Zealand Natural here is cheap..$5 for a tub (1Litre)

I love my MUM

haih..

today i made her cry..
i feel i always never watch my words..and it is just hard for me to express myself..

usually my mum's cooking is not that good..that i must admit..but i will still eat or maybe i will eat abit..but i will not comment harshly about it..today..my dad made a comment..

she broke down..

i really realise what she has done for the family and she is really really unreplaceable..
she works hard..even when she is old..and also cook..clean for the family..and we take it for granted at times..she does not complain and i can clearly see that see is really busy all the time when the family is sitting at the hall relaxing..i feel so so so guilty..and i want to make it up to her..

she really really set the bar real high for any girls out there..i seriously feel that..

im so so so crushed..

reminisce-ing

lol..

i miss malaysia already..
i miss my friends..

when i think about the convo..memories start to zip by during my life in TARC..

when i 1st went to my mass call i was a freshie..being moved and ordered like lil sheeps..from being a guest and a freshie to someone that is gonna coordinate it the following year..its already a big contrast to where i am and what i have done in a year..

i think about my friends..friends that i met and cherish. which is thankfully, they are still in touch with me..i miss the time going out with the sisters..haha..its really a pleasent last memory in my college life..

haha..my coursemates..aww those jokers and fucker..my pundek roommate Siva now is just rotting around KL..pimping around..he's really a nice guy though despite his playfulness..=)..

i miss the times i go out late at night..not knowing when i will be back or even in some cases..actually being back to my room..miss the time sleeping over at my coursemates..studying in McD..i love McD..undeniable..really miss those times..seriously..alot has definately happenned in two years..and i love most of it..=)

i miss my lecturers..seriously greatful for them..i never blame them for my bad results..they really helped me alot..=)

i really wanna go to my convo and meet up with my friends..but..haih..

time flies..it really does..i tried to break it down..to why time flies..and here is my theory..lol..time flies just because..we do not remmeber every second of what happened and only remmeber fragments of it..making it relatively not existing or seem like it was just awhile..

i miss it..

I miss Malaysia Girls

I miss em'

damn it..

Willie told me..TARC now has more preety girls..in my heart im like..

FUCK!..

imma miss those gals~..lol..those..girl..nice to see..nice to touch..but never intend to keep..thats what they are for i guess..

all hail sluts!..

Googled

i googled

mojito
Nasi Lemak
sambal
lolwtfbbq
holocaust
proton collider
bmw
sweden
cia experiments
pagan
vatican
constantine
christchurch
university of canterbury

i need a distraction

i need a distraction..

its making me crazy..

its not healthy

feeling

is feeling something that is physical?..emotional?..abstract?..concrete?..

if you feel cold..if you feel scared..if you feel like your in love?..

wad is real and what is not..

or 'what IS real?'..

what we are is what people see in us..agree?..this object that i am pressing on, what is it called as?..a keyboard you say?..why is it called a keyboard?..did you ask yourself?..it is keyboard just for the sole reason whereby we gave it that name..something is what it is because we made it that way..we judged it...

i tell people i am fat..or i am stupid..from the bottom of my heart..i do think about that..some agree some dont..but i start to think wad i think is no longer relevant..its like wearing a nice shirt..we wear it to look good..we look in the mirror wether is it really that good..if you wear it to feel good and know that it does look good..you do not need a mirror..you need that mirror to have the impression as if..you are someone else..looking at you shirt..and how will they react..

savvy?..

Smart Malaysia

wow..its back to BM again!..woo hoo..

i have no idea why..i refuse to believe the reason they give saying people are unable to cope up..

but i just think they are afraid that malay language will sooner or later be no longer relevant i guess..

to me it is just a waste of money..publish new books then scrap it..now making back books in malay..

no eye see..

Summer

Je ne suis pas belle comme les fleurs. Je ne suis pas intelligent comme Einstein. Mais mon amour pour toi est inestimable. A grace a toi, je me trouve et je te trouve.