Cina dillema

lol..
suddenly i have this feeling..
i want to go home..
but i do not know where is my home..

im a malaysian..chinese..and currently in NZ..
what is my identity?..
what is my background?..

i dont speak a shit of decent mandrin..
i have this urge to go to china..taiwan..and hongkong..
hongkong should be ok..
taiwan and china..i might get shot there for all i know..
i have this feeling that i belong there..
i do not know why..
just out of all a sudden..
malaysian chinese are just so confused..

i look at japanese..koreans..thais..they talk their own national language..
if i talk in malay amongst chinese..that would just feel wierd for me..why is this?..
arent we malaysians?..
even indon chinese talk in indon..=.=