HECTIC

Havent touched this for a awhile..

because have been busy and havent really thinked about my blog anymore..

so much to be said..

dont know where to start

Back?

Might be back sooner than expected..in 1 months time?..hmm..

i dunu what's with Step Up 2..but its giving me goosebumps everytime i watch it..chills..lol

i am STRONG because i have been WEAK
i am BEAUTIFUL because i know my FLAWS
i am a LOVER because i am a FIGHTER
i am FEARLESS because i have been AFRAID
i am WISE because i have been FOOLISH
and
i can LAUGH because i have known SADNESS

*copied*

Cina dillema

lol..
suddenly i have this feeling..
i want to go home..
but i do not know where is my home..

im a malaysian..chinese..and currently in NZ..
what is my identity?..
what is my background?..

i dont speak a shit of decent mandrin..
i have this urge to go to china..taiwan..and hongkong..
hongkong should be ok..
taiwan and china..i might get shot there for all i know..
i have this feeling that i belong there..
i do not know why..
just out of all a sudden..
malaysian chinese are just so confused..

i look at japanese..koreans..thais..they talk their own national language..
if i talk in malay amongst chinese..that would just feel wierd for me..why is this?..
arent we malaysians?..
even indon chinese talk in indon..=.=

i am here with you

i might not be able to see you..
but i know you are there..
just wishing to hold you..
to feel the warmth of your love..
ever so soft and sweet..
pure and true..
to know that you are mine..
and i am for you..

minutes past..
followed by hours and days..
months go by and years soon follow..
but i always still miss you..
today and tomorrow..
it will always be the same between me and you..

when i close my eyes..
i imagine..
how would it be like to have you by my side..
would it be like a sunny day..
or would it be a cool autumns breeze..
just to feel you by my side..
its just estacy..
knowing that someone is there..
when all fails..
there is someone to support you..

this road is never easy..
you are not too..
this is not as well..
but i am in it..
and so are you..
how far this road goes..
i surely do not know and so do you..
but i know..
there is a road..
for me and you..
and there is..
a..
'me and you'..

i may not be smart..
but i work hard to..
i may not be kind..
but i am to you..
i may not be rich..
but i will you all i can..
i may not be romantic..
but i try to..
i might not be a good lover..
but i hope to..
i try so hard..
hoping not to fail you..
to be with you..

i may not be there..
only because..
cause i am here with you..

=)

Bought her a big tub of ice cream..

New Zealand Natural here is cheap..$5 for a tub (1Litre)

I love my MUM

haih..

today i made her cry..
i feel i always never watch my words..and it is just hard for me to express myself..

usually my mum's cooking is not that good..that i must admit..but i will still eat or maybe i will eat abit..but i will not comment harshly about it..today..my dad made a comment..

she broke down..

i really realise what she has done for the family and she is really really unreplaceable..
she works hard..even when she is old..and also cook..clean for the family..and we take it for granted at times..she does not complain and i can clearly see that see is really busy all the time when the family is sitting at the hall relaxing..i feel so so so guilty..and i want to make it up to her..

she really really set the bar real high for any girls out there..i seriously feel that..

im so so so crushed..

reminisce-ing

lol..

i miss malaysia already..
i miss my friends..

when i think about the convo..memories start to zip by during my life in TARC..

when i 1st went to my mass call i was a freshie..being moved and ordered like lil sheeps..from being a guest and a freshie to someone that is gonna coordinate it the following year..its already a big contrast to where i am and what i have done in a year..

i think about my friends..friends that i met and cherish. which is thankfully, they are still in touch with me..i miss the time going out with the sisters..haha..its really a pleasent last memory in my college life..

haha..my coursemates..aww those jokers and fucker..my pundek roommate Siva now is just rotting around KL..pimping around..he's really a nice guy though despite his playfulness..=)..

i miss the times i go out late at night..not knowing when i will be back or even in some cases..actually being back to my room..miss the time sleeping over at my coursemates..studying in McD..i love McD..undeniable..really miss those times..seriously..alot has definately happenned in two years..and i love most of it..=)

i miss my lecturers..seriously greatful for them..i never blame them for my bad results..they really helped me alot..=)

i really wanna go to my convo and meet up with my friends..but..haih..

time flies..it really does..i tried to break it down..to why time flies..and here is my theory..lol..time flies just because..we do not remmeber every second of what happened and only remmeber fragments of it..making it relatively not existing or seem like it was just awhile..

i miss it..

I miss Malaysia Girls

I miss em'

damn it..

Willie told me..TARC now has more preety girls..in my heart im like..

FUCK!..

imma miss those gals~..lol..those..girl..nice to see..nice to touch..but never intend to keep..thats what they are for i guess..

all hail sluts!..

Googled

i googled

mojito
Nasi Lemak
sambal
lolwtfbbq
holocaust
proton collider
bmw
sweden
cia experiments
pagan
vatican
constantine
christchurch
university of canterbury

i need a distraction

i need a distraction..

its making me crazy..

its not healthy

feeling

is feeling something that is physical?..emotional?..abstract?..concrete?..

if you feel cold..if you feel scared..if you feel like your in love?..

wad is real and what is not..

or 'what IS real?'..

what we are is what people see in us..agree?..this object that i am pressing on, what is it called as?..a keyboard you say?..why is it called a keyboard?..did you ask yourself?..it is keyboard just for the sole reason whereby we gave it that name..something is what it is because we made it that way..we judged it...

i tell people i am fat..or i am stupid..from the bottom of my heart..i do think about that..some agree some dont..but i start to think wad i think is no longer relevant..its like wearing a nice shirt..we wear it to look good..we look in the mirror wether is it really that good..if you wear it to feel good and know that it does look good..you do not need a mirror..you need that mirror to have the impression as if..you are someone else..looking at you shirt..and how will they react..

savvy?..

Smart Malaysia

wow..its back to BM again!..woo hoo..

i have no idea why..i refuse to believe the reason they give saying people are unable to cope up..

but i just think they are afraid that malay language will sooner or later be no longer relevant i guess..

to me it is just a waste of money..publish new books then scrap it..now making back books in malay..

no eye see..

Summer

Je ne suis pas belle comme les fleurs. Je ne suis pas intelligent comme Einstein. Mais mon amour pour toi est inestimable. A grace a toi, je me trouve et je te trouve.

Ex Tarcian

LoL..

i just found out..my dad's the first batch of Tarcian to occupy the KL Setapak campus in 1979..

he studied STPM..haha..

and he asked me..when i did the Mass Call did i know any freshie?..hes sure i met a girl there..lol..and straight away i thought about miss siew lee..lol

he said..SOT sure no girls..if got also, not pretty..lol..pretty girls are only from SBS, SPUS and accounting..haha..wow it seems true until even today..lol..

Who knows Latin?..=.=

ad eundem statum

All hail Malaysian food

thanks to Nasi Lemak..Char Kuay Teow..Fried food..which i have all these years religiously consuming..

now!..i have a natural insulation system all over my body keeping me warm..

i knew it would be useful one day..eating all those fatty stuff..haha..

eat and shit machine

sheeps..

the power of sheeps..they just eat all the time..and shit..damn it..cows too..

Income Tax

The tax here is sick..

18% to 22%..

imagine earning 5000 and 1000+ evaporates..

=.=

bad NZ bad!..

lol..it is damn damn rare to hear thunders and also see lightning..there is not really rain storms..the skies are most of the time clear blue..when it rain..it can rain the whole day..jus showers..haha..my dad is here 3 years..and he said..since he is here..he never heard or seen a storm..lol..

the skies at night are damn damn clear..the moon is so near and round..and also bright..

the night's skies are filled with stars..so much so that it looks like grains of sand in the skies..

=)

malaysia got mat rempits and ah long and gangster..

teenagers in malaysia like to dye thier hair..look damn colourful..

here..punks like to wear hoodies and baggie pants..lol..i been here 1 month..and i seen 2 people got arrested and hand cuffed infront of my eyes..im like..WTF..got anot..citizens here are more provocative and also not afraid..NZ is not all that peaceful..

update..

lol..i actually did not even go to my own blog..its not like i went to take a peep and decided..'ahh shucks..nextime maybe..' i seem to totally lost interest in it..haha..maybe hangat hangat tahi ayam kut..lol..

okok..heres the gig..

im not studying now ok, it starts in february..im working for my dad in a vineyard..lol..everyday under the sun but but but..fresh air..and an awsome view to come along with it..haha..

things here are still so so so undecided yet..wether or not i will be back in malaysia or not..so im still poking around and hoping for a sign..lol..im still hopeful..haha..and praying..

okok..here are the pros and cons of NZ compared to malaysia..im so so so good at comparing and criticizing..lol..

the policeman here are good looking and friendly but but they are also damn freaking cheeky..they will practically turn off the lights, park at a residential area and just camping waiting for you to make a wrong move..my dad actually kena..and trust me, i was going..WTF where did this guy come form..the worst part, the offense was driving in the middle of an empty road..=.=..lol..malaysia is just filled with crooked cops..

the government here is so so so so so fucking efficient in managing their economy and making use of what they have..-malaysia do things without fucking thinking..malaysia have petroleum and you look where did all our money went..messed up man..

they pre plan an idea for a bout two years and take serious surveys and statistics before implementing them..for gods sake..it took them 1 year to pass a $1million dollar transportation project..newzealand is seriously damn poor..-malaysia, main taruk..million ringgit project is implemented without really thinking..tahu la kaya..guna lah otak sikit bang..

the service here is unbelivable-ly good..haha..i had some problem with my broadband..and i called them to ask why..they are seriously very dedicated, polite and guided me slowly step by step..not only that..they did a follow up 2 days later to ask how was it going and if i need anymore help..haha

well..i heard from my dad's boss that day as we were chatting..i just asked..arent there any tolls here..he LOL and said..'there will never be a toll in NZ, if there is a toll, they will lose the next election..LOL..'-well malaysian government are crafty lil fellows sitting in the cabinet..they are so kind to close down tolls..but wait..they increase some of the other tolls.."we lose this wan la..and hike this wan up..then our pocket wont kering ma..haiyo.."

owh yea..here, if they were to pass a new law, they will have a survey and called election to ask all the residents opinion..if majority says no..then it will not be passed..-malaysia, i feel like the minister is just playing as if we want it..how many malaysians are happy as they are now?

isnt it a very clear indication that people is not happy when your 'beloved' citizens start to leave your country and go else where to start a life?..come on..everyone knows someone that is no longer here and tell you that they plan to start a new life overseas?..

people here believe in education..to them education is a RIGHT..in malaysia, education is a GIFT..my friends that did stpm now are all jus pissed as hell..they had good results but they did not get the course that they wanted and most of them are sent far away..come on..stop that quota bullshit..give people the treatment they deserve based on their capability..its not our fault you people are fucking riding on bikes fucking around are we?..stand up for yourself and dont expect the government to spoon feed you..

stop acting all EMO and unhappy cause we made a real and factual comment..you have so called special rights..bloody accept it and STFU..

'owh look at us..holding banners..(just incase they do not know why we are here)..lets gather together..(make us look scary and united..that will scare those chinese and indians)..wait!..lets wear same coloured shirts..(NOW we are really united..)..now we chant slogans..over and over again..(just incase they cannot read..now they get our point..)..now we wear head band!..(NOW we look like those Japanese kamikaze fighters!..fear me!..)..'

well atleast NZ does not have a prime minister that is suspected to have been connected to a murder case..=.=

well i am not a Malaysia hater..lol..hey..i love malaysian food..i love the shopping malls and also not forgetting those 'mui mui zhai'..thats basically about all..lol..

Away

lol..i thought i will be able to blog when im bored..but im hell bored here..lol

=)

took many pics..maybe will upload soon.. hopefully.. =)

3rd- 13th May

Went out to LowYat today..with Wing Hoong and his cousin..lol..buy a SATA/IDE to USB cable..=.=..need to bring my harddisk out and over there..lol..too many important files..lol~..hope customs wont stop me..=/

4th- 12th May

Lol..went out to cancel my internet, electric and telefon line..after that went out badminton with miss Ng Suk Yeng..lol..will probably be my last for a while..=(

5th- 11th May

Imagine

You will always be my baby

6th - 10th May

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!

Mother's Love 
Her love is like
an island in life's ocean,
vast and wide
A peaceful, quiet shelter
From the wind, the rain, the tide.
'Tis bound on the north by Hope,
By Patience on the West,
By tender Counsel on the South
And on the East by Rest.
Above it like a beacon light
Shine Faith, and Truth, and Prayer;
And thro' the changing scenes of life
I find a haven there. 

Thank God for our Mothers 
If life were without water, where would we be? 
If life were without mothers, 
There would be no you or me. 
We all need to take hold, of how precious life really is, 
and not take for granted the gift of love and the ability to give. 
Thank you to God for creating us all 
For giving us our mothers 
So we can stand proud and tall. 
Humans are no accident, no mistake or error 
We sometimes live our lives in fear of this, 
Even to the point of terror. 
But when the truth is told, and recognised by all, 
God does not create rubbish. He knew what he was doing when he created 
me and you, but the best gift of all, is giving us loving, caring 
Mothers who love us unconditionally through and through. 
None of us are perfect, that includes ourselves and family. 
Hold onto how precious we are and thank God for our mothers. 
Amen 

Well..i went to visit my grandma today..well..it was a sad sight..knowing that i will leave her..it was a day of love..and cherish..

God bless

7th - 9th May

CarrMen!!..im so sorry i could not make it for you on friday..lol..so had to postpone it to a saturday night!..hehe..had fun..did alot of catching up!..carrmen is still young, cute, sweet, charming, gorgeous!..lol..took many silly pictures..and find i will not post them!..lol it will be kept close to my heart..lol!..

carrmen!..i love that you are able to answer my question..and i might say it was in a rather unexpected fashion..hehe..but i can see that your mind is set on a goal..what is needed is to pave that road..you can do it..lol..i need you in the future..remember!..lol..

dun worry bout teh boys..=)..you are just fine..

Home And Love by Robert Service

Just Home and Love! the words are small

Four little letters unto each;

And yet you will not find in all

The wide and gracious range of speech

Two more so tenderly complete:

When angels talk in Heaven above,

I'm sure they have no words more sweet

Than Home and Love.

Just Home and Love! it's hard to guess

Which of the two were best to gain;

Home without Love is bitterness;

Love without Home is often pain.

No! each alone will seldom do;

Somehow they travel hand and glove:

If you win one you must have two,

Both Home and Love.

And if you've both, well then I'm sure

You ought to sing the whole day long;

It doesn't matter if you're poor

With these to make divine your song.

And so I praisefully repeat,

When angels talk in Heaven above,

There are no words more simply sweet

Than Home and Love.

the future never spoke by emily dickinson

THE Future never spoke,
Nor will he, like the Dumb,
Reveal by sign or syllable
Of his profound To-come.
But when the news be ripe,
Presents it in the Act
Forestalling preparation
Escape or substitute.
Indifferent to him
The Dower as the Doom,
His office but to execute
Fate's Telegram to him.

Saddest poem by Pablo Neruda

I can write the saddest poem of all tonight. 

Write, for instance: "The night is full of stars,

and the stars, blue, shiver in the distance." 

The night wind whirls in the sky and sings. 

I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.

I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too. 

On nights like this, I held her in my arms.

I kissed her so many times under the infinite sky. 

She loved me, sometimes I loved her.

How could I not have loved her large, still eyes? 

I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.

To think I don't have her. To feel that I've lost her. 

To hear the immense night, more immense without her.

And the poem falls to the soul as dew to grass. 

What does it matter that my love couldn't keep her.

The night is full of stars and she is not with me. 

That's all. Far away, someone sings. Far away.

My soul is lost without her. 

As if to bring her near, my eyes search for her.

My heart searches for her and she is not with me. 

The same night that whitens the same trees.

We, we who were, we are the same no longer. 

I no longer love her, true, but how much I loved her.

My voice searched the wind to touch her ear. 

Someone else's. She will be someone else's. As she once

belonged to my kisses.

Her voice, her light body. Her infinite eyes. 

I no longer love her, true, but perhaps I love her.

Love is so short and oblivion so long. 

Because on nights like this I held her in my arms,

my soul is lost without her. 

Although this may be the last pain she causes me,

and this may be the last poem I write for her.

Reason and Passion by Khalil Gibran

And the priestess spoke again and said: "Speak to us of Reason and Passion." 

And he answered saying: 

Your soul is oftentimes a battlefield, upon which your reason and your judgment wage war against passion and your appetite. 

Would that I could be the peacemaker in your soul, that I might turn the discord and the rivalry of your elements into oneness and melody. 

But how shall I, unless you yourselves be also the peacemakers, nay, the lovers of all your elements? 

Your reason and your passion are the rudder and the sails of your seafaring soul. 

If either your sails or our rudder be broken, you can but toss and drift, or else be held at a standstill in mid-seas. 

For reason, ruling alone, is a force confining; and passion, unattended, is a flame that burns to its own destruction. 

Therefore let your soul exalt your reason to the height of passion; that it may sing; 

And let it direct your passion with reason, that your passion may live through its own daily resurrection, and like the phoenix rise above its own ashes. 

I would have you consider your judgment and your appetite even as you would two loved guests in your house. 

Surely you would not honour one guest above the other; for he who is more mindful of one loses the love and the faith of both. 

Among the hills, when you sit in the cool shade of the white poplars, sharing the peace and serenity of distant fields and meadows - then let your heart say in silence, "God rests in reason." 

And when the storm comes, and the mighty wind shakes the forest, and thunder and lightning proclaim the majesty of the sky, - then let your heart say in awe, "God moves in passion." 

And since you are a breath In God's sphere, and a leaf in God's forest, you too should rest in reason and move in passion.

thx jin..=)

today we have bigger houses, smaller families

more amenities, but less time

we have higher education level, more knowledge, but less common sense and less competence to judge

we have more experts but more problems

more medicine but less health

we seem unconcern

laugh to little

get angry too quick

get up too late

read too little

watch TV too much

and are less considerate

we multiplied our properties and estates, but we reduce our morale and values

we talk too much, love too little and lie too often

we learn to make a living but not how to live

we have years to live but cant add years to life

we have higher buildings but lower temper

we have wider streets but more narrow point of view

we spend more but have less

we buy more but enjoy it less

we went all the way to the mood and back, but we cant cross the street to meet our neighbors

we split up atoms, but we cant break down prejudice

we write more, learn less

we plan more, but finish less

we have learnt to rush but not to wait

more spare time but less fun

nicer houses, but broken homes

look for realization, read more, sit and enjoy the view

spend more time with your family and friends

eat your favorite food, visit places you love

life is about moments of joy, not moments of survival

erase vocabulary like 'later' 'some other time' 

didnt sound like a last goodbye

im sure its not

'Fai'

these days there are too many 'fai' people.. i do not know what are they dubbed in english but in cantonese its 'fai'.. the type of people when you ask them a dead serious question they will answer like it was just to entertain me or make the time pass by my making me say.. 'serious la wei'.. it is seriously on its own category of annoyance.. its another thing to be funny but this is not.. 

Fuck man

shitz!..kena robbed man..damn it..my phone..it was 3 am in my regular McD spot studying..then suddenly 5-6 malay motherfuckas came storming in with parang at that time..i already know im fucked..so sad case man..in fucking McD..

Tired

Tiring day..lol..

just back from yam cha and dripping in sweat.. haha.. 

realizing that i wont have much of these kinda times together.. haha.. im enjoying it now while i still can.. =)

friday!!.. PC fair.. an excuse to go out!!.. lol.. come come..

Feeling

LOL..this post might look scary, abnormal or out of the context..but i am having a feeling..a feeling that life is short and i might die anytime..lol..

its a celebration of life in a different point of view.. =)

Panda Panda

Yawn Yawn =O=

Nice nap.. ZZZZzzzz

Sad Sad Panda..=(

*cough cough*

lol..im sure to ask you out!..dont worry..lol..how about you drop the protocol and ask me out?..lol

5.07am

Just could not sleep..

Having a bad cough and a deep pain in my chest.. just lieing down on my bed.. finally it was 5am.. i have classs at 8.. and i am just here.. watching some movies.. watched seven pounds again.. the bucket list and also blood diamonds.. for those who seen these shows.. you know what is the feeling i got now..

hmm.. cuddling in my soft blanket hugging my pillow.. creating my own comfort and cozy area.. just to see the new day come.. there goes a week..

Moody days

Haihz..

these few days have been very moody and sucky.. physically sick just because my specs are not aligned properly causing a headache.. mentally exhausted.. hmm saw my ex today.. and it was the most akward moment by far.. i swear.. i walked out of my room and there she was.. i was in shock, and it shows.. i came out in a hurry to wash my cup and i saw her.. immediately, my body froze for an few seconds just standing there.. we were staring each other straight in the eyes but yet no words were uttered.. then i just snapped out of it and just walked to where i was going like some sit the reset button..

akward moment..

the person that i was hoping to see never shows up.. the person that i never hoped to meet just shows up in front of my door..

Things girls don't realize....

1. Guys are more emotional than you think, if they loved you at one point, it'll take them a lot longer than you think to let you go, and it hurts every second that they try.

2. Guys may be flirting around all day, but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.

3. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.

4. Guys will do anything just to get you to notice him.

5. Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend or ex love-interest. Unless they're going for the let-her-complain-to-you-and-then-have-her-realize-how-wonderful-and-nice-you-are method.

6. A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to.

7. Boyfriends need to be reassured often that they're still loved.

8. Guys don't care how gorgeous you are, if you're a bitch Goodbye.

9. Giving a guy a hanging message like 'You know what?!..uh...nevermind..' would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking. And he'll assume he did something wrong and he'll obsess about it trying to figure it out.

10. Girls are guys' weaknesses.

11. Guys are very open about themselves.

12. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don't need to give advice.

13. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.

14. Guys love you more than you love them.

15. Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls. They rarely use beautiful or gorgeous. If a guy uses that, he loves you or likes you a whole hell of a lot.

16. No matter how much guys talk about butts and boobs, personality is key.

17. Guys worry about the thin line between being compassionate and being whipped.

18. Guys think WAY too much. One small thing a girl does, even if she doesn't notice it can make the guy think about it for hours, trying to figure out what it meant.

19. If the guy does something stupid in front of the girl, he will think about it for the next couple days or until the next time he spends time with the girl.

20. If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he's probably faking it and is spazzing inside.

21. When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl, he really is. Guys rarely say that.

22. When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually saying, 'Please come and listen to me.

23. If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn't happen that often, so when it does, you know something's up.

24. When a guy tells you that you are beautiful, don't say you aren't. It makes them want to stop telling you because they don't want you to disagree with them.

25. When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking something.

26. A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.

27. Don't be a snob. Guys can be intimidated and give up easily.

28. Guys talk about girls more than girls talk about guys.

29. Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions and are MAD confusing but somehow are drawn even more to them.

30. A guy would give his right nut to be able to read a girl's mind for a day.

31. No guy can handle all his problems on his own. He's just too stubborn to admit it.

32. Not all guys are jerks. Just because ONE is a jackass doesn't mean he represents ALL of them.

33. They love it when girls talk about their boobs. haha it's true..

34. When a guy hits your butt it means that he wants you sexually.

35. Even if they refuse it all guys are ticklish on the ribs.

36. Guys love neck rubs and if he lets you keep doing it ..it means that he really likes you or his neck really hurts.

37. When a guy sacrifices his sleep and health just to be with you, he really likes you and wants to be with you as much as possible.

38. Even if you dump a guy months ago and he loved you he probably still does and if he had one wish it would be you to come back into his life.